Many psychologists agree that a healthy self-image is a critical determinant of a good life. A healthy self-image allows you to maximize your strengths and be the best version of yourself. A negative self-image highlights your weaknesses and prevents you from maximizing your potential.
The self-image is so powerful that our subconscious automatically adjusts our intentions (why), our habits (how), and our results (what) to be consistent with our self-image. For simplicity, let’s call these intentions (why), habits (how), and results (what) “the aspects of our lives.”
Isn’t self-image the same as self-esteem? If not, how are self-image and self-esteem different?
If our self-image is so powerful, what problems does a negative self-image cause? Why does an unhealthy self-image cause these problems?
TLDR: The difference between living your best life and living a miserable life is your self-image.
Difference Between Self-Image and Self-Esteem
What is the difference between self-image and self-esteem? Why does this difference matter?
To better explain this concept, consider the two cars below. Most people have a positive perception of the car on the left, causing them to like and appreciate it. Most also have a negative perception of the car on the right, causing them to dislike it and be unappreciative. Your perception of the cars affects how you feel about them.
Test
Similarly, your self-image is your perception of yourself, and your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself.
If you have a healthy self-image, that is, you have a positive perception of yourself, you will like and appreciate yourself more.
If you have a poor self-image, you will have a hard time liking and appreciating yourself. Remember, the subconscious works to keep all aspects of our life – including our self-esteem – consistent with our self-image.
Self-image does not always lead to self-esteem. Similar to the infinite cycle of negativity, self-image, and self-esteem build off of each other and form a feedback loop/cycle.
If you have high self-esteem, that is, you like and appreciate yourself; you will have a healthier self-image.
If you have low self-esteem, you will see your self-image slowly deteriorate.
TLDR: Self-image and self-esteem are interrelated and form a feedback cycle. Self-image affects self-esteem, and self-esteem affects self-image.
Why Explain the Difference?
Because I like explaining stuff, that’s why I created this blog.
In reality, it’s essential to understand whether self-image or self-esteem triggers the cycle of struggle or cycle of growth.
You can destroy the positive perception you have of the left car by throwing rocks at it and smashing it with a hammer. You can ruin your healthy self-image by hurling insults at yourself and smashing yourself with excessive pressure. A normally healthy self-image can be destroyed with low self-esteem.
Sidenote: My initially healthy self-image was damaged over time by my low self-esteem (excessive self-criticism, lack of self-care).
You can learn to like and appreciate the car when you perceive it as a gift or a challenge to create something great. You can learn to like and appreciate yourself when you perceive yourself as a gift and challenge yourself to create something great. Low self-esteem can become high self-esteem with a change in self-image.
TLDR: It’s essential to understand whether low self-esteem or poor self-image triggers the self-esteem-self-image-cycle. For the rest of the article, I will use self-image and self-esteem interchangeably.
What Is a Healthy Self-Image?
A healthy self-image is positive and realistic. A grandiose self-image is not realistic; we are all human. When threatened, people with a grandiose self-image have negative emotions and respond with aggression, proving a grandiose self-image is not positive.
A healthy self-image consists of:
- A wholesome self-esteem you can trust and believe in
- One you are not ashamed to be
- One you feel free to express creatively
- One you do not need to hide or cover up
- Knowing your strengths and weaknesses
- A reasonable approximation of who you are
TLDR: A healthy self-image is both positive and realistic.
Problems Caused by a Negative Self-Image
Ok, cars are cool and all, but I read this for myself.
What are the problems caused by low self-esteem? Why does a negative self-image cause these?
The following problems are generally harder to recognize but lead to more specific problems that are easier to notice. The problems are all caused by a negative self-image and low self-esteem. These problems can creep into your life without you ever realizing them. Reading this article is a great way to build awareness about these issues. Most importantly, you should understand whether low self-esteem or negative self-image is causing these issues.
Why You Chase Superiority
The Napoleon Complex describes an inferiority complex where short men overcompensate for their height with overly aggressive behaviors and power-seeking.
Similarly, people with an unhealthy self-image overcompensate for their inferiority complex by chasing superiority. People who suffer from feelings of inferiority; use their “superior” self-image as a coverup or hide their deep-down feelings of insecurity.
Obsession With Perfection
These are the people neurotically and unhealthily obsessed with perfection. They are not trying to be good at what they do; these people want to remove all flaws as a way of being better than others. They try to overcompensate for their shortcomings and their associated negative self-image by trying to be entirely superior to others.
Jealousy/Comparison
Chasing superiority requires you to compare yourself with others. People with an unhealthy self-image are continually comparing themselves with others to find how they measure up. Sometimes they compare their strengths with other people’s weaknesses to achieve. The rest of the time, they compare themselves unfavorably to others and become jealous of other people’s superiority.
Healthy Self-Image
You do not need to overcompensate. You focus on being the best possible version of yourself regardless of those around you. You’re only trying to be superior to who you were yesterday, last week, last month, last year.
TLDR: “There’s a saying in Texas: “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” A confident man doesn’t feel a need to prove that he’s confident. A rich woman doesn’t feel a need to convince anybody that she’s rich” – Mark Manson.
Why You Have Unhealthy Relationships
Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the different attachment styles between people. There has been a massive amount of research on attachment theory, and it’s links to self-image/self-esteem.
Anxious Attachment Style
Having low self-esteem causes you to have an anxious attachment style. Not giving yourself love and appreciation you anxiously and desperately seek it from others. You feel nervous and stressed about your relationships leading to you needing constant reassurance and affection.
Avoidant Attachment Style
Having a grandiose (unhealthy) self-image causes you to have an avoidant attachment style. You feel too good for relationships and rationalize your way out of commitment. You only take from your relationships expecting others to put you on a pedestal.
Sidenote: Most people with low self-esteem flip between the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. They reject appreciation from others and become anxious when people stop liking them as much.
Healthy Self-Image
Having a healthy self-image and high self-esteem, you have a secure attachment style. Your high self-esteem allows you to love yourself, so you appreciate the love from others without being overly reliant on it. Your healthy self-image makes you go out and fulfill your need for love without excessive fear of rejection.
TLDR: Having low self-esteem leads to unhealthy relationships characterized by anxious or avoidant attachment styles. Having a healthy self-image leads to healthy relationships defined by a secure attachment style.
Why You Don’t Take Care of Yourself
Would you take care of the worn-down car at the beginning of the article?
I doubt it.
Why would you?
You perceive it as worthless.
Negative Self-Talk
Similarly, you do not take care of yourself because you perceive yourself as worthless. Instead of taking care of yourself, you go the opposite direction and harm yourself with negative self-talk. You feel worthless and feel you deserved being talked down to. This process is where the negative self-image leads to low self-esteem.
Self-Sabotage
Your negative self-image causes you to enjoy self-destruction in some profound, dark way. Whether it’s through drugs or alcohol or self-harm, there’s a negative self-image that seeks out this destruction to justify all of the pain and misery you have felt. Your subconscious is using self-harm as the adjustment method to make your life consistent with your self-image.
Healthy Self-Image
You do not get any satisfaction from self-harm because it’s inconsistent with who you are. Instead, you get happiness from taking care of yourself and improving yourself continually.
TLDR: People with a negative self-image find a sick pleasure in harming themselves while people with a healthy self-image find satisfaction in taking care of themselves.
Why You Have Low Motivation
How motivated would you be to use the car you perceive negatively?
Not very.
Similarly, when you have a negative self-image, you are not motivated to take action. People with low self-esteem are so focused on their weaknesses; they never have the motivation to act on their strengths. They do not feel they can be successful, so they never try.
Procrastination
Excessively focusing on your weaknesses, you do not feel ready to take action, so you always delay doing anything. You continually wait for the “perfect” moment and feel worse about yourself when that moment never comes. Why would you take on a challenge when you “know you will fail” because you are incompetent? You would not.
Fear of Challenge
Not facing any challenges reinforces your underlying doubts and fears of your negative self-image. You do not perceive yourself as someone who can face challenges causing you to feel anxious at every little threat. You avoid challenges because it makes you feel good in the short-term. In the long-term, this backfires by reinforcing your beliefs of being an incompetent person.
Healthy Self-Image
You feel motivated to take action. You approach challenges with confidence, knowing it may be a struggle, but you will figure it out.
TLDR: People with a negative self-image have low motivation causing them to avoid challenges and procrastinate. People with a healthy self-image are motivated to face challenges with confidence.
Negative Self-Image Summary
Your subconscious automatically adjusts all aspects of your life, including your self-esteem, to be consistent with your self-image. A healthy self-image allows you to get the most out of your life. A negative self-image prevents you from living a good life with hidden problems such as chasing superiority, unhealthy relationships, lack of self-care, and low motivation. Furthermore, negative self-image prevents you from living a good life overall.
How is your low self-esteem holding you back?
Why does a negative self-image have this effect on you?
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