Having negative thoughts is a natural part of life. However, some people have such a negative mind, they do not know how to not be negative.
If you are excessively negative and want to be happier, the obvious solution is to simply get rid of negative thoughts, right?
But what happens after you remove these negative thoughts?
Most people start a new cycle with thinking different negative thoughts, then try to remove the new negative thoughts and reenter the cycle with more negative thoughts. So, how can we break out of this infinite negativity cycle?
To actually stop thinking negative thoughts, you have to actively think of positive thoughts.
Why Do We Have Negative Thoughts?
Negative thoughts exist to protect us from potentially dangerous stimuli. The problem is, negative thoughts are more powerful and abundant in our minds than positive ones. This bias towards the negative is brilliantly named “the negativity bias.”
Why do we have a negativity bias?
You see, for tens of thousands of years, humans were hunter-gatherers. During this time, things (predators, low food stores, fires on the horizon) were dangerous in an extreme way; they could not only kill you but could wipe out your entire tribe.
Over time, our brains developed systems that made us hyperaware of any potential danger. Shaving a few hundredths of a second from the time needed to detect a predator improved our ancestors’ odds of living long enough to reproduce. This hyperawareness of danger evolved into what we call the negativity bias.
The negativity bias was a survival mechanism. Early humans needed to find the thing that was out of place, that was incorrect because their lives literally depended on it.
TLDR: We have been conditioned for tens of thousands of years to be hyperaware of potential dangers – the negativity bias.
How Your Mind Is Like a Garden
Negative thoughts existing in your brain are like the weeds living in a garden.
Weed seeds are naturally abundant in garden soil, coming from many sources and lay dormant in the land for years. Being highly opportunistic, weeds race out of the ground because they can grow anywhere there’s room – cracks in the roads, sidewalks, or driveways.
Similarly, negative thoughts are naturally abundant in the human brain, coming from many stimuli and lay dormant in the mind for years. Being highly opportunistic, negative thoughts race out of the brain because they can turn anything negative – events, relationships, life.
Let’s say you removed all the surface level weeds and are left with a clean garden, right? Well, remember weed seeds are naturally in the soil, so weeds will grow back automatically wherever there is space.
Similarly, negative thoughts are conditioned into your mind, so they will come back up automatically when your mind is blank. If you have a bare garden, weeds can grow more easily. If you have a bare mind, negative thoughts can come up more easily.
What if you worked hard, went to the root and dug out the weed seeds from your garden. The weeds are gone, right?
Correct. However, you have helped bring other weed seeds that were deep in the ground up. Similarly, when you eliminate the root of one set of negative thoughts from your mind, you bring another collection of negative thoughts up. This restarts the infinite negativity cycle.
TLDR: Like weeds naturally growing in a garden, negative thoughts naturally come up in our minds.
Focusing on Eliminating Negative Thoughts Is Like…
Instead of thinking about nasty weeds, let’s focus on something more entertaining, like a pink elephant.
Cool right?
Challenge: Try not thinking about the pink elephant for a minute.
How long did you last? Most people do not make it past 5 seconds. How did this happen? When have you ever really thought about a pink elephant?
Social psychologist Daniel Wegner dubbed this phenomenon the “ironic process theory,” which states trying to remove/suppress specific thoughts actually brings them up more.
So when you tried to remove the pink elephant, thought you ironically brought it up more. When you try to remove weed seeds from your garden, you ironically bring up more weeds. When you try to remove random negative thoughts, you ironically bring up more negative thoughts.
So when someone is having negative thoughts, telling them to “just stop thinking about it” or “just forget about it” is not the best advice.
TLDR: Trying too hard to remove/suppress negative thoughts, ironically, brings them up more.
Your Attention (Focus) Is Like a Water Bucket
Now let’s assume you want to check your progress on not thinking about the pink elephant. To check your progress, you have to think about the pink elephant, which ironically brings up the pink elephant more.
Similarly, to check your progress on removing weed seeds, you have to dig up the garden, which ironically brings up weed seeds more.
More similarly, to check your progress on removing negatives, you have to think about the negative thoughts, which ironically brings up negative thoughts more.
‘If we concentrate only upon “driving out,” or attacking worry thoughts, we necessarily must concentrate upon negatives’ – Maxwell Maltz
Welcome back to the infinite negativity cycle.
Some people can be so perfectionistic they try to eliminate every possible negative. To remove these negatives and make sure they are removed, people give negative thoughts the power they need to grow.
It’s similar to giving plants water, you provide them with a resource to grow, which is why your attention is like a water bucket. Whatever plants you water grow, whatever thoughts you focus on grow.
Moreover, this water bucket has holes in the bottom. When you do not actively use the water bucket by tilting it forward to water desirable crops, water leaks out and flows to the weeds letting them grow.
Similarly, anytime you do not actively use your attention by focusing on positive things, your focus flows to negative thoughts (negativity bias), letting them grow.
TLDR: Whatever you focus on grows.
Plant a Better Garden
Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, summarized the water bucket example when he said: “The mind resembles a fertile garden, in which weeds will grow in abundance if the seeds of more desirable crops are not sown.”
So the actual solution to eliminating weeds is to plant better crops in your garden. The actual solution to eliminating negative thoughts is to plant positive thoughts in your mind. If you want to get out of the infinite cycle of negativity, simply think positively.
If the solution is so simple, why are people still negative?
Because negativity is natural. Being negative is our default state; we do not have to work to be negative. Even people who try so hard at eliminating negativity are somewhat lazy because their mind is already focused on the negative. They are simply focused on what is convenient. It takes effort to focus on the positive. Positive thoughts are harder, they take more work, you literally have to develop new patterns and new ways of thinking.
It’s easy to complain about being a victim of circumstances. It takes effort to positively think about taking advantage of situations.
It’s easy to sit around and suppress negative thoughts about being overweight. It takes effort to go to the gym and act on thoughts about being healthy.
It’s easy to suppress personal weaknesses. It takes effort to find and enhance strengths.
“Negative people are the laziest people I know. Positivity requires hard work, it requires discipline.” – Shameless Maya
Sidenote: I understand some people have excessively negative thoughts because of mental illness’ and not negativity. Having gone through it myself, I learned putting in the extra effort to be positive helped more than suppressing the negative.
When you put in the effort to plant seeds for desirable crops and water them, you are taking away resources from the harmful weeds. The weeds eventually become unnoticeable or die out completely. More importantly, you are helping the desirable crops grow and creating a beautiful garden.
When you put in the effort to plant positivity in your mind and focus on positive thoughts, you are taking attention away from negative thoughts. The negative thoughts eventually become unnoticeable or die out completely. More importantly, you are helping the positive thoughts grow and create a beautiful life.
TLDR: Being negative is easy, it takes effort to be positive.
How to Start Thinking Positively
After understanding the theory, here are simple, actionable tips to get you started on being more positive. There are thousands or articles on other tips, these are meant to help you get started in a more realistic way.
Have a space for positive thoughts to grow.
Sometimes farmers grow new plants in pots (soil without weeds) then transplant them into the soil to give the plant a head start against the weed. Similarly, find a space with little to no negativity and let your positive thoughts grow here. Then transplant those positive thoughts into other areas of your life.
Example: While in Austin, I would go to 360 bridge to watch the sunrise every Monday to get a positive start to my week.
Think of yourself as a positive person.
If you are used to being negative, it may be hard to think positively because you think of yourself as a negative person. Negative people do not think positively, it’s inconsistent with their self-image. Positive people do think positively, so think of yourself as a positive person, and your thoughts will become consistent with your self-image.
Example: I think of myself as a positive person. My subconscious takes care of the rest.
Use your negative thoughts as a reminder for positive thoughts.
Thinking positively takes effort. Since we can be lazy and naturally negative, use negative thoughts as a reminder to think positively. Have a few (3 or 4) go to positive thoughts you shift your attention to when you have a negative thought.
Example: I think of hiking Machu Picchu, spending time with my extended family in Pakistan, and my company becoming successful.
Summary
Humans have developed a negativity bias over thousands of years. The obvious solution to these problems is to focus on eliminating the negatives. If only negatives are eliminated, more negativity will take its place because of the negativity bias. To truly eliminate negative thoughts, you have to learn to think positively.
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