I always saw my life in extreme terms of black or white. There was no balance in my life present because I was thinking with the all-or-nothing mindset. I observed everything as an absolute extreme with no gray area. Since I love Steve Jobs and his outspoken personality, I believed I had to be absolutely straightforward and completely disregard empathy. I also assumed social people were continuously speaking to others, so I pressured myself to talk when becoming more extroverted. Thinking in this manner made me engage in excessive self-criticism because I deemed everything short of 100% success a failure. This mindset made me consistently feel like a failure.
Why You Should Have Cheat Days
As I did previously, others also believe they need to be 100% dedicated to their goals. A good example is with diets. During diets, many people try to eliminate all junk food, because they believe it is important to eat 100% healthily. Everyone has cheated during a diet before; when people do lose self-control and eat unhealthily, they experience the “What-the-hell,” effect. They berate themselves for not having the willpower to be 100% dedicated.
Having planned cheat days has been proven scientifically to be more beneficial to dieters’ motivation. This article discusses how planned cheat days are more productive than hardcore dieting in maintaining motivation and positive affect. “Rather than engaging in straight, persistent goal-striving…consumers may be better off, when planning for moments of indulgence.” (Vale, Rita & Pieters, Rik & Zeelenberg, Marcel. 2015). This quote proves it is more effective to find a balance between healthy and unhealthy eating during diets than attempting to only eat healthily. The all-or-nothing mindset does not help in this case.
Balancing Stress/Arousal Increases Performance
Another difficult balance to strike is with stress. There are arguments for the avoidance of stress because it is terrible; however, there are arguments for the motivational benefits of stress. People who view stress negatively try to eliminate it and people who consider stress as beneficial rely on it. The former group is usually too relaxed about life, and the latter group is uptight. Both can benefit from learning that balancing your level of stress leads to peak performance.
As shown figure 1 above, arousal (stress) being at 50% causes peak performance. Figure 1 is the Yerkes – Dodson Law and it states low arousal usually leads to boredom and little interest; while high arousal causes the stress to become a greater focus than the task. This shows increasing arousal motivates as long as the task is still the primary focus of attention. It is important to balance stress for maximum performance.
What Is the Definition of Balance?
Balance is defined by having the correct proportions. I would define balance to be the right proportions leading to the most significant outcome. Think of the perfect proportions as a bell curve. As shown in Figures 1, the bell curve has a peak performance, which decreases as you move to the left, reducing stress, or to the right, increasing stress. Although the Yerkes – Dodson law states the best balance of stress is best at a proportion of 50%, not all peaks exist at a ratio of 50%.
Charles Swindoll said, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” If we assumed he was correct we could use the bell curve in Figure 2 to illustrate this concept.
As you can see, the peak is at 90% of the way to internal factors. People on the right of the peak believe they have absolute control of their happiness and may give up the external world. Monks would be a good example as they meditate for most of their lives to gain control their internal world. People on the left are usually more materialistic and ignore personal responsibility for happiness. Let’s be real. You don’t need a luxurious life to be at peak happiness, but you also aren’t going to be at peak happiness living in poverty. This proves balance is not always a 50% proportion. It also proves balance is finding the best ratio for a peak outcome; in this case, it was happiness.
Different Interpretations of Balance
The above example is universally applicable; however, the peak performance bell curve is different for everyone. The beauty of balance is getting to decide where you place the bell curve. The placement for everyone is different because we all have different perspectives, upbringings, cultures, etc. Everyone will have a different location of the bell curve depending on the variables someone wants to balance. There is peak happiness/performance balance for everyone; finding it and staying consistent is the challenge.
Just because everyone has a unique location for the bell curve does not mean this position remains the same. There is a difference between shifting the bell curve to a different location and changing your proportions to accomplish peak happiness/performance. I usually move the bell curve when my goals change. If I were trying to lose weight, I would shift my bell curve peak more towards healthy eating, like 70% eating healthy to 90%. If I realized I was eating unhealthy over a period, I would shift my proportions to reach the peak of the bell curve. The first situation is a change in context and goals; the second situation is changing back to normal proportions.
My Struggle With Balancing Emotions
I have discovered how difficult it is to find a balance for peak happiness/performance. I struggle to balance my emotions because I usually keep a straight face and repress my feelings. After reading about the topic of vulnerability in “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown, I decided to express myself regularly. After continuous outbursts of emotion, I went back to the extreme of being emotionless. I moved between these two extremes for a while. Over time I realized real vulnerability is a balance between expressing emotions to those around me and personally accepting how I’m feeling. Balancing emotions and vulnerability is a constant struggle in my life. I believe life is good and most things are temporary so attaching a lot of emotional energy is a waste. Shown in Figure 3 below is my bell curve for handling emotions.
Conclusion
I learned there are times I will do well and times I will not do as well as I hoped. Having this knowledge has helped me let go of defining myself as a complete failure and allowed me to focus on my strengths. I am also learning where the peak happiness balance is for me. There are multiple theories on where peak performance lies in different situations like the Yerkes – Dodson Law, but they are generic. There are also numerous books, articles, and speeches with information on how to live life. Respecting their suggestions, I prefer to draw my bell curve because I decide how I choose to balance my life. I better balanced my life by consistently asking these questions and now you can too. How do I want to live my life? Where will I place my bell curve? What do I find truly important? What am I willing to sacrifice to prioritize those things? Most importantly, what makes me happy?
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